Love Is A Decision

I'm a romance writer, so I know everything about love. Right?

Not exactly, but after forty years of marriage I think I've got the gist of it.

Before hubby and I were married, we went to an Engaged Encounter and a Pre-Cana class, either class would have fulfilled the requirement to be married in the Catholic church but we wanted to be super prepared. One phrase, repeated over and over at both classes, was "Love Is a Decision." I did not understand it at the time since I still had my rose-colored glasses firmly in place.

I understand it now.

There are plenty of articles and books with long, detailed explanations and instructions about how to manage your love life. There are many more self-help guides which claim to explain exactly what love is. 

I think 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 does a far better job of offering a thorough account of the intricacies of love.

I used one section of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 as the basis of HOPING FOR JOY. It is the part that states love always hopes. My book, according to one reviewer, is a "Lovingly told romantic story of realigning life’s purpose and realizing we can’t and shouldn’t try to be in control of everything."

While you can't be in control of everything, you do have to work at love. My grandfather once told me that in a marriage each partner has to give fifty percent, but in truth sometimes one partner must give one hundred percent--but then the situation may swing around and the other partner has to put out one hundred percent. Sometimes, it's seventy-five percent to twenty-five percent. It all depends on the circumstances because life isn't easy and it's full of surprises--some aren't happy surprises either. 

Often one partner will discover they have a talent for handling certain situations in life that the other partner cannot. It might be something simple, such as guiding children with their homework. When our daughters were young, I helped them with most of their school assignments. However, once they moved on into higher math, I was no help at all and hubby took over that task. 

Rose-colored glasses don't last long. Love can last forever--but it does take work and self-sacrifice. It's worth it. Don't give up on love. Give it everything you've got.

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Love and Marriage

This is a photograph of the top from our wedding cake. At thirty-five years of age, what was once sparkling white is now turning yellow, but it is a precious and tangible sign of the commitment hubby and I made to each other on our wedding day.
I believe in love, which is rather obvious since I write romance novels. I believe in relationships that last forever. I’ve seen plenty of other couples who are devoted to each other and who have celebrated many anniversaries. However, the brief marriage of Kim Kardashian, last week’s big news story, wasn’t what I would call a marriage.

I have no idea what the truth is in that situation. Though the wedding boosted the television ratings and made lots of money, it did not resemble any kind of committed relationship. The big party was lavish. Kim had a beautiful dress and she looked stunning but she could not have paid much attention to the words she recited.

While I cannot claim to be a marriage expert, hubby and I ran a Pre-Cana program in our church for seven years. The Catholic Church has an excellent marriage preparation program. Anyone who wants to get married in the Church must attend either an Engaged Encounter or a Pre-Cana. Yes, there are Catholic couples who divorce despite the instructional course, but hubby and I believe it can be helpful. We went through both a Pre-Cana and an Engaged Encounter before we were married. We were serious about our marriage. Do we still argue? You bet we do.

My parents were married for sixty-two years until my mother died. Did they argue? Sure they did. Hubby parents have been married for an incredible seventy-one years. They have had disagreements, too.

Love is a decision. Marriage involves work, communication, compromise, and a whole bunch of forgiveness from both partners to build a sound, permanent relationship.

It isn’t easy. Unfortunately, Kim Kardashian’s stunt cheapens the idea of marriage, which is a shame. It would be wonderful to see entertainers setting a good example, but I guess that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. :^(

Nevertheless, I will continue to write about two people who find love and make a permanent commitment to each other. It can work.