Once again, I am pleased to host a guest post by Daughter #1. This time she offers some insights on how her dating wishlist changed over the years.
upon a time, I believed Santa Claus would bring me anything for Christmas, as
long as I was a good girl. Most of the time, I was. I expected to be gifted
with my heart’s desire and every year Santa worked his magic and I received at
least one very special item.
Maybe that wasn’t such a
good thing because when I was in my 20s, I continued to expect extraordinary
miracles—especially when it came to finding just the right man for me to date
or to marry.
I developed a very, very
long wishlist of characteristics I expected in a man. Reading it would have
given Santa a migraine. Some of these qualities (a.k.a. the Short List) were
Educated (Master’s or higher)
Makes enough money to support me
Taller than me, at least 6 feet
Capable of carrying on highly intelligent
Blond or Asian
Older, but not too much older—maybe up to 8
years older, no more
No divorces or kids
While dating a variety of
men, I soon learned very few of them fit my exacting criteria.
So I focused my
attention to three items on my list: musical talent, highly educated,
better job and money than me.
preferred the man have an education in a science field, so we’d have something
to talk about.
As time wore on, reality
set in. Tall men were snapped up early in life.
The handsome ones were more interested in themselves than in me.
Musical talent is rare. M.S. and Ph.D.’s have
become increasingly rare among men.
Then the recession hit,
and nobody had a job anyway.
I struggled forward and
tried online dating sites, eliminating men based on my admittedly shallow
When I was 28, I decided 38
was too old, but 35 could be okay.
5’5” was too short and if they were bald, there was no way I would be
Forget fanatical sports fans,
When it came to job information I
crossed men off if they were self-employed, made less than $25,000 a year, or
had an Associate’s degree.
By 32, I gave up online
dating altogether, but meeting men in real life wasn’t much better than dating
I went through a series of
losers: the pickup artist, the poet who quit his lucrative day job to write a
novel, the man who wore a wetsuit to a pool party, and the neuroscientist who
never wanted to leave his house.
At 34, I decided to try
online dating again.
I was smarting from
a series of nasty texts from one of the losers, and decided I could do
I decided to try a much smaller
dating site, howaboutwe.com. My reasoning was simple because the people at
howaboutwe.com actually wanted to get out and go on dates.
For my first date, I met
up with an Israeli postdoc in particle physics. While he was definitely intelligent,
he went back to Israel. I was doubtful about enduring a long-term, long
was the question of religion.
I am not
the world’s greatest Catholic, but it was hard for me to see how I’d handle the
hurdles of a relationship with a devout Jew.
My second date at
howaboutwe.com was Joe—and suddenly all my rigid requirements evaporated.
Here’s Joe’s basic
- Less income per
hour than me
- No musical
talent, although he attempted guitar once
- 5’9”, so under 6
- Brown hair
- 4 years younger
- No smoking
- No divorces or
Still, he came with a
lot that I had never considered to be important.
He’s kind and considerate.
He loves his family, even when they drive him
up a tree.
Most of all, he loves me.
I can still feel my heart race in
anticipation of seeing him—and then I never want to let him go.
He’s probably not anything that I thought I
wanted, but instead may be everything that I really wanted.
So, did I lower my
What’s on your boyfriend
list for Santa?