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Thursday, September 12, 2019

Aunt Grace's Instructions On How To Catch A Man

This is a photo of Aunt Grace, my favorite aunt. Intelligent and out-spoken, she was my mother's sister and one year older than Mom. Aunt Grace suffered with a heart problem all her life, but that did not stop her from keeping up lively conversations.

An inveterate letter-writer, her letters were treasured by all. Of course, she always gave advice, whether anyone asked for it or not. Once, Aunt Grace wrote a letter to my mother concerning one of my sisters. Aunt Grace firmly believed it would be easy for my sister to catch a man using this technique.
Tell her to get a baby tiger, put it on a leash and walk down the streets of New York, or the boardwalk at Atlantic City. I guarantee if she does it every day she'll get plenty of attention. Tell her to wear an Angora sweater, a skirt with a slit up the back, highheeled slip-on shoes. Hair tousled "casually". Or maybe a little Corgi, a long red, or tartan cape, black stockings, a large red velvet beret, and a heavy upholstery fabric peasant skirt (I like this better--dramatic, yet with flair, and just right for her outdoors image). The floppy hat would work well with this second outfit. Then, of course, how about the long cape, a short tousled haircut highlighted with gold or titian, long earrings the color of her eyes, with matching junk jewelry. The cape over a bright blue leotard matching the earrings. Nothing under the cape, of course, but the leotard. 
I think I like this last idea best of all! What drama. This time she can forget the tiger or dog, and carry a knobby cane--the better to hit them with if they try to mug her. Again, locale is Atlantic City, or maybe Southhampton, or Harvey Cedars on Long Beach Island. There is money, big bucks in all those places. Of course in Atlantic City she'll have to take herself and her costume into a casino, and see if she can get eyes riveted on dice or the roulette wheel riveted on her. But, it seems like a good way to spend a couple of weekends. You can chaperone her from the rear just in case weirdos are attracted to these outfits. Frankly, I think she could carry all this off very well. It's a change from her job.
Now why didn't I do all this when I was young? I settled for turtleneck shirts. I'm so conservative in my dress today it's just plain disgusting. If something will be out of style in twenty years I don't buy it. Hence I have lots of clothing that dates back 25 years. Honestly.

Aunt Grace had a fantastic imagination! I miss her, but she left us a wonderful legacy in her letters.


MarkD60 said...

I can tell you how to catch an alligator. You need a matchbox, tweezers, and binoculars. Look at the alligator through the binoculars backwards, se he's tiny. Pick him up with the tweezers, and put him in the matchbox!
Sorry, that's what this post reminded me of.
I miss letter writing days. The thrill of an unexpected letter. A persons familiar handwriting... Kids these days will never know that.

Penelope Marzec said...

LOL! Interesting way to catch an alligator. :^)

Yes, getting a letter in the mail was a wondrous gift. Aunt Grace's handwriting was difficult to decipher, but that was part of the fun. :^)

Unknown said...

Letter writing is a lost gift our children will never know, always amazed when I find an old letter, it's like seeing the person again.

Thanks for sharing!

Dottie :)

Amanda said...

Wow and I thought my grandmother could be a bit off color at times lol This totally made me think of my fraternal grandmother who use to write all of us grandkids letters throughout our childhood until she passed away in '94. It was wonderful to get those handwritten letters from grandma Peg. I miss them and her, but those memories won't be forgotten. I wish I still had one of them to read.

Penelope Marzec said...


Yes, reading a letter brings back all the memories. It is sad that the young people of today will never know the feeling.

Penelope Marzec said...


It's too bad you don't have the letters. I've saved up lots of letters. They don't take up too much room. :^)